There are always something i felt sorry for, for what i have done to the two of them especially. I tried to hide my feelings yet that hurt both of them as well as myself. I believe i was just such a rude person, one who take things at personal self interest. I just ignored them when i felt there was a need to, or rather, my mood felt like so. But with their blinking eyes and hopes to just say a "hi" to me. I just ignored them. I am terribly sorry to them. I just hope that they would still feel in one way or another that my hearts were with them, my heart cared, realized their presence or indeed very crucial presence in my life. Without them, i could not felt i was loved, i was cared for in some ways. Yet my mental struggle had ruined all of it. I don't know why i did it until months later i read a book that says: I express low self esteem, i remarks that the presence of an opposite sex would made me just feel uneasy. That's why. Glad to the book, i understood where my problems are, yet, the two of them no longer to be seen. They are just so well in the army. At least i hope so. I hope they will not have a hard time in their trainings. It is needless to say that separation always make the heart tear, the truth is that i will not be able to see them anymore. At last, there were not even a smile goodbye. Left them, it takes me wonder sometimes how important they were in my life,they ought to think i was such a weirdo. Just hope that my sweetness and gentleness remained in their hearts but not those things. Somehow i felt like to contact them, but this would only make me to become such a weirdo. Hope to see them really.
R&S,i am sorry. I love you guys.
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